This past week was about my 10th time shooting weddings. Shooting as in Photography type of shooting. Funny enough, as I’m behind the camera, the atmosphere makes me reflect on my own wedding day (before the “digital era” aka lame), my daughters’ eventual weddings, i start wondering about which guest is the most photogenic and/or picturesque, and so on. However the sacredness of the wedding celebration comes during the ceremony. Wisdom is shared, vows are pledged and the union is symbolized. As the couple listens to the exhortation, exchanges rings and seals their commitment with a kiss, one has to wonder where these marriages will be ten years from now.
Against all that I’ve heard time and time again marriages aren’t meant to succeed. That’s right, marriage isn’t easy, normal or sweet. Weddings (and sometimes honeymoons) are fun and exciting. That’s why photographers are hired – to make sure the moment is well documented and remembered as one of the coolest highlights of life. Marriage on the other hand rarely gets photographed, except for anniversaries or birthdays. No one wants to be photographed at their worst – in the worst light, exposing their bad side, or from the wrong angle. Marriage is conflictive and confining.
The reason marriage is like this is because people are involved. I know people are involved in businesses, schools, and such but once we swear loyalty, acceptance and unconditional love to another person the stakes are much, much higher. In all honesty we all lie when we make these promises to each other. Perhaps we don’t lie consciously but the truth is that no one is capable of truly surrendering their self (ego), considering their partner’s dreams and desires as higher than their own, or sacrificially serving some one other than themselves. Marriage is a fraud because we are a fraud.
We live our lives chasing the degree, career, or relationship that will make us happy and with this same mentality we approach marriage. We craft a facade in front of in-laws, put up with some emotional/cultural baggage and even overlook little annoyances that used to be endearing, but at the end of the day we expect this “other one” to come through with their promise of making us happy. When this other person falls short of his/her vow (I wonder why) then we start bargaining, trading and eventually retreating.
The only way marriage works is when we decide to impersonate the role of Christ towards our partner. It is He who sets the standard, the example, and the authority of a successful marriage.
Marriage is two sinners living together expecting something out of each other that none of them can give in the first place – unconditional love. Until we surrender our rights to our Designer, we will be stuck in a timeless frustrating and suffocating relationship where two people will try to conquer each other by all possible means. No rules, no clock, survival of the fittest at it’s best.
We cannot expect apples from pear trees. Fallen people produce fallen relationships. We cannot promise what we don’t have. Christ alone can redeem a person, a relationship, and yes a marriage too.
Thank God for celebration, wedding, and ceremony. Let us keep preserving these traditions as long as we acknowledge Who it really is that keep us out and above ourselves. Meanwhile I’ll keep snapping pictures unobtrusively and unnoticed behind my camera.
